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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Squid Flu Likely In U.S. This Year

(Coruscant) Officials fear that the deadly squid flu will probably arrive on Coruscant this year, and the Empire says it expects 20,000 to 100,000 cases. "People on Coruscant are not yet at risk", Grand Moff Chertoff said Tuesday, "The Empire has a plan to quarantine and destroy any squid, Mon Calamari, or other creature originating from Mon Calamari found to carry the deadly virus. At this point, if you're a squid, it's a pandemic. If you're a human, or a Twi'lek, or an Ugnaugh it's not a pandemic."

While squid are not naturally found on Coruscant, the natural migration patterns of the Mon Calamari from their homeworld to The Dagobah system and Kamino brings them directly past Coruscant. While no cases of the squid flu have yet been found on Coruscant, the deadly disease has been found throughout Endor and Cato Neimoidia. Officials worry the virus might spread from migratory squid to the nearly 10 billion alien residents of mixed origin on Coruscant.

The deadly bird flu virus is rare in Humans, Ugnaughts, and Grans, but scientists fear it could mutate into a form that could spread rapidly among people and possibly spark a galaxy-wide epidemic. Authorities say cooking kills the virus, and it is safe to eat properly handled and cooked squid. The Empire completed its plan on Monday to test 75,000 to 100,000 wild squid this year. While the test can be done by simply taking a sample of blood, representatives from the Empire claim that they will actually kill the Mon Calamari, as it will help squelch their involvement in a growing rebellion against the Empire. Tests also will be run on 50,000 samples of water and squid droppings.


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