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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Grand Moff Chertoff testifies before Galactic Senate Committee

Today Grand Moff Chertoff (right) testified before a Galactic Senate committee regarding the Empire's response to the virtual destruction of New Alderaan last year. Senator Joe Joe Lieberbinks, the Alliance Senator from Naboo, posed several biting questions to Chertoff. "Howsa could yousa go-a bed that night not-a knowin' whassa was goin' on in New Aldaraan?" Lieberbinks asked. Grand Moff Chertoff was not shaken, however, mainting his position all along that the response was not mistakenly slow, it was purposefully non-existent. "It was our intention all along to destroy New Aldaraan," Chertoff said, "After all, the planet has long been a hot bed of Rebel resistance."

Sen Lieberbinks later claimed that the response to the natural disaster was handled like 'the keystone cops', to which Grand Moff Chertoff replied:
With all due respect, Sen. Lieberbinks, you are not understanding the real issue. There was no plan for an Empire response. The destruction of New Aldaraan was an intentional excercise. We were trying to destroy the planet to show the true power of the Death Star.

Following the destruction of the peaceful planet, many spoke out against the seeming lack of an Empire response to the devestating blast from the Death Star. Rapper Lando West even made the claims that the slow response was racially motivated, saying "President Vader hates black people".

Before destruction, New Aldaraan was best known for it's shitty jazz music, most notably the Max Rebo Band. Unfortunately for music lovers everywhere, the Max Rebo Band was temporarily off the planet entertaining Jabba the Hut at a private concert.


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